Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Drowning

WARNING: Pity Party follows!

I have to admit that it was Grandpa's comment that brought me out of my hole. I have had several posts on my mind, but have not had the energy to write. To be honest, I feel like I am drowning.

Some people call it a bad mood, others depression, or maybe it is just a bit of a funk. But I tell ya' for the last week I have been getting up on the wrong side of the bed every day. Over the weekend I thought it was just too much work. But this time I have been a little . . . irrational.

I thought that a little sports would lighten my mood and release all those happy hormones. Unfortunately with my wacky hours, I have not been able to go to the gym that I pay 70 Euros for every month. I decided to try the local swimming pool. It opens early, so I can go before work and swimming a few laps always makes me feel better.

Monday morning I got up at 7am and got to the pool at 7:30am. As I was about to pay, the man behind the counter warned me that the school kids were coming. "Well, what areas are they in? I will try to stay away from them." His eyes widened, "They are every where!"

He must of noticed my distress and he said, "Come when we open at 6:30am. That is when most of the business people show up." Great. My Monday went down hill from there with boring details that I will not share. Fast forward to Tuesday, 6am. I got my but out of bed and got to the pool at 6:30am sharp. You can imagine my disbelief as I stood in front of a very closed pool. I looked to the side: Monday, Wednesday, Friday 6:30am; Tuesday, Thursday 8:00am. I sulked back to my car. At that point I was a little over whelmed and I promptly burst into tears.

Today the German and I signed the last papers for the house and got the keys. This is supposed to be a happy day, but as I sat in the lawyer's office all I could think is, "Get me the hell out of here!" I almost started crying there, too. I did start crying 5 hours later at the McDonald's when I could not answer my phone fast enough and missed the German's call (I have a contract phone and could not call him back). I told you - irrational.

So here I sit. And I feel like I am drowning in a sea of paper work and responsibilities that I am not sure I ever really wanted. Yesterday I thought, "What would happen if I just did not get out of bed tomorrow." I got out of bed of course. I always do. But I am telling ya, these days it is hard. I am not sure if it is over work, the over whelming task that is our house, homesickness, or the lingering sadness of changing careers. Perhaps it is none of those things. Perhaps it is everything.

I have some very interesting posts stuck in my head, including one about the link between the number of slaughter houses in C-burg and its booming birthrate. I hope to get to them this weekend. I have 5 days off!! Whee!! Okay, so I will be ripping up carpets and grading papers, but at least I can sleep in. Well, unless I attempt the pool one more time.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awww sweetie I'm sorry you are going through a bad spell. That old adage "when it rains, it pours" certainly does seem to hold true. So I'm sending you a big, virtual hug.

And congrats on the house. I don't think feeling overwhelmed by it all is that unusual. It is a happy day but man can it also be nerve racking. It really is entering into a new phase of your life so try not to be so hard on yourself.

And eat more chocolate.
-E

christina said...

You poor thing! Good that you came back to your blog and vented a bit. It probably is a little bit of everything all at once and once this and that gets settled things will calm down again.

Karl said...

Hang in there Claire.

Haddock said...

Christina is right, things always calm down again, Chin up! :)

J said...

Sorry to hear that you're in a bit of a funk. I wish I could help, but I can't. I've been in the same mood for about 8 days now. Hopefully we'll both snap out of it soon.

*hug*

Carrie said...

You know me, never one to be the aw-poor-you type of person, I'm much more of a fix it person- which I think is why you luuuuuuv me so much. haha. So, how to fix the funk...1. take a mental health day until you don't need it again. 2. start saying NO to some things. 3. drink lots of alcohol 4. have drunken sex with the German until he needs a mental health day. And if those 4 things don't work, you may have to move you and the German to the Outer Banks...or the German equivalent.

Anonymous said...

I'm happy that you are back, but sorry that you are feeling punk. My take is that you are feeling "growing up pains". At thios stage in your life, you are starting to take on new responsibilities, and that can be a scarry thing when you start to think about too much.
Last Saturday, Mildred and I went to Barbie's wedding. She has been practising for about seven years as her oldest, Rachel is about seven years old now. Both of their kids were in the wedding.
Take it as it comes, and take the proverbial bull by the horns. I'm sure you will make it!!
By the way, say hi to the Kraut.
Love, Grandpa

Michelle said...

Hey there, I can relate to what you're saying. Seems like there are a lot of bloggers feeling kind of blue recently.. sometimes I think it is partially the change of seasons. Hope it passes and you are feeling more excited about the new house soon.