Yes, for those who guessed correctly, I am indeed pregnant . . . bun in the oven . . . knocked up . . . expecting . . . parasitically oppressed. Well, choose your own euphemism.
I found out three week ago and I am about 8 weeks along. (For those of us not good at math, I am due around Feb. 14.) I have to admit that when I found out, I was completely shocked and in a little bit of denial. This, despite the fact that the German and I have actually been trying. Nevertheless, the reality of pregnancy sort of blew me away.
I was still in denial when I went to the doctor three weeks ago. However, there was a small black circle sitting in the middle of my uterus. I was undeniably pregnant. Waves of different emotions flooded over me: fear, dread, happiness, disbelief. I suddenly felt my life completely change.
Over the past few years I have gotten used to a certain lifestyle. The German and I work a lot and when we want, we go out to dinner or shop for the house or visit my family in the U.S. Will all of this change? I suppose that it will have to.
Also, will the way I see myself change? Probably. There are several things that I DO NOT want. Although, "mom" is now part of my identity, I do not want it to be the center of my identity. Just like I do not want this to become a "mommy" blog. I have never seen myself as just "one thing," (i.e. woman, business woman, wife, daughter, ex-pat, etc). That is a bit reductionist. Life is more complex than that. I also do not want a station wagon or start wearing "mom pants." Maybe I could be a "hip" mom like Christina or B.
Do not freak out. I am actually getting used to the idea of a baby and settling in for the life changes to come. Everything was made better when the German went with me to my last doctor's appointment. This time there was actually something in the black circle.
Doctor: There is the heart. See the black dot that is moving?
German: (in excited tone) Oh, yes.
Claire: I don't see it.
Doctor: It is right there. Wait, I'll print out a picture.
(Later at home . . .)
Claire: Honey, I have no idea what the doctor is talking about. Where is the heart?
German: Right there. And there is the head and probably what will eventually be legs.
(Claire looks at the picture from many different angles.)
Claire: I still don't see it. Actually, it looks like a duck.
German: It doesn't look like a duck.
Claire: Sure it does. Hey, I am not complaining. If our child is born looking like a duck, I will still love it with all my heart.
German: Should we name it Donald?
Claire: No, that reminds me of Donald Trump, which is way worse than an actual duck.
. . . . . .
Our child is going to be SOOO embarrassed by his/her parents . . . Time for me to go sit on my nest.