Thursday, June 28, 2007

Bad Moon Rising

Yes, for those who guessed correctly, I am indeed pregnant . . . bun in the oven . . . knocked up . . . expecting . . . parasitically oppressed. Well, choose your own euphemism.

I found out three week ago and I am about 8 weeks along. (For those of us not good at math, I am due around Feb. 14.) I have to admit that when I found out, I was completely shocked and in a little bit of denial. This, despite the fact that the German and I have actually been trying. Nevertheless, the reality of pregnancy sort of blew me away.

I was still in denial when I went to the doctor three weeks ago. However, there was a small black circle sitting in the middle of my uterus. I was undeniably pregnant. Waves of different emotions flooded over me: fear, dread, happiness, disbelief. I suddenly felt my life completely change.

Over the past few years I have gotten used to a certain lifestyle. The German and I work a lot and when we want, we go out to dinner or shop for the house or visit my family in the U.S. Will all of this change? I suppose that it will have to.

Also, will the way I see myself change? Probably. There are several things that I DO NOT want. Although, "mom" is now part of my identity, I do not want it to be the center of my identity. Just like I do not want this to become a "mommy" blog. I have never seen myself as just "one thing," (i.e. woman, business woman, wife, daughter, ex-pat, etc). That is a bit reductionist. Life is more complex than that. I also do not want a station wagon or start wearing "mom pants." Maybe I could be a "hip" mom like Christina or B.

Do not freak out. I am actually getting used to the idea of a baby and settling in for the life changes to come. Everything was made better when the German went with me to my last doctor's appointment. This time there was actually something in the black circle.

Doctor: There is the heart. See the black dot that is moving?

German: (in excited tone) Oh, yes.

Claire: I don't see it.

Doctor: It is right there. Wait, I'll print out a picture.

(Later at home . . .)

Claire: Honey, I have no idea what the doctor is talking about. Where is the heart?

German: Right there. And there is the head and probably what will eventually be legs.

(Claire looks at the picture from many different angles.)

Claire: I still don't see it. Actually, it looks like a duck.

German: It doesn't look like a duck.

Claire: Sure it does. Hey, I am not complaining. If our child is born looking like a duck, I will still love it with all my heart.

German: Should we name it Donald?

Claire: No, that reminds me of Donald Trump, which is way worse than an actual duck.

. . . . . .

Our child is going to be SOOO embarrassed by his/her parents . . . Time for me to go sit on my nest.


ChristinaG said...

Congratulations! How exciting for you!

christina said...

:-) :-) :-) :-) Whooooo!

This post made me laugh and cry at the same time - congratulations!!!

And me? A cool mom? Well thank you. (Pssst! Sometimes I DO wear mom pants 'cause they're the only ones that fit!) I've never defined myself through my kids because I don't want to be just "Somebody's Mom". I'm me, my kids are my kids and they understand that although I love them dearly and wouldn't trade them for anything that they're not (always) the centre of my universe. :-)

Now get into the kitchen and start eating for two!

Karl said...

Congratulations Claire. I just knew after talking to you and the German at the Irish pub last fall that it wouldn't be much longer. Have you made the transition to the 100% English-speaking household yet?

C N Heidelberg said...

I look forward to reading your story as it my feelings regarding life/potential motherhood (I'm not trying) are very similar to what you wrote in this post. Good luck!

EuroTrippen said...

Congratulations! I've always maintained that the best way to teach my daughters the importance of being their own people and owning their own thoughts was to lead by example. You only lose yourself to being a 'mommy' if you allow it to happen, and something tells me you won't.

The good news is that... of all the hats you'll wear in your life... daughter, friend, lover, teacher, entrepreneur, wife... 'mother' is the one you'll find most gratifying.

Carol said...

Congratulations, Claire! What a wonderful ride you're in for! And if you can even fathom this far out in the future (I certainly couldn't when I was barely pregnant with my first), I have to tell you that it's at least as much fun when they're all teens and young adults as when they're babies. Being a "baby/toddler-oriented mom" (love those years!), I never thought I;d say that, but it's true -- or has been for us anyway!

As far as being defined by motherhood, it might be your most important identity (as is there anything wrong with that?!), but it's how you "wear it" that counts.

I was due on 2/14 with Peter; his birthday is 2/27!

SOOOOO happy for you!!


Dixie said...

Congratulations! I'm very excited for you and the German. I hope all goes very well.

Anonymous said...

Oh sweetie I am SO happy for you! You're going to be a terrific mom precisely for the reasons you list. I know you don't want to turn this into a baby blog but I can't wait to learn all about la baby! What an awesome ride you're about to undertake. I wish you nothing but health, happiness and love!

:-) E

Debbie said...

Well, congratulations and "eeek!" all at the same time! :-))) Two women in my language course got pregnant and now at least half the blogs I read are tinged by pregnancy, lol. I'm happy for you, but I hope it's not contagious ;-)

Tatiana von Tauber said...

Well, my dear, I guess a congratulations are in order. Oh, you're in for the ride of your life. Yes, EVERYTHING will change. In some ways for the better and in others for the worse, but when that baby is in your arms for the first time, it's worth EVERYTHING. I'm very happy for you. Look forward to reading about your progression. Guess this will change Girls Weekend '08 too!
:-) tatiana

Carrie said...

So, my rabbit theory worked? I seriously have the rabbit costume I threatened to send you sitting in my office waiting to be sent...I've been lazy, but I see you haven't. Hehehe- congrats!

Anonymous said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm so happy for you both :-) and I have no doubt that you will be a great mother (and of course, I can't see you giving in to the 'mommy pants'...haha). Love you! ZL, your big :-)

Haddock said...

Congrats! You'll make a great Mum. I could never see the stuff that the woman doctor pointed out on the ultra sound printouts. It all looked like blobs to me! :)

J said...

Congrats! I'm sure you two will be great parents.

Anonymous said...

I have a couple of questions about this post: Does the heading have any meaning, and if so--what??

What are "mommy pants" ???

Other than that, I always heard that one could not have too many great-grand children. So happy parenthood to the both of you!!!

Grandpa [the "cheesey" one]

Anonymous said...

yeah the heading sounds like this isn't exactly good news for you guys.

Sparky said...

Hi Claire,

Congratulations. Sorry I missed that post or I would have congratulated earlier. Now the question is: Will you love your kid even i it turns out to BE like Donald Trump?

Bek said...

We seem to be in a similar stage of life (I'm also gonna turn 30 next birthday and we decided to start trying getting pregnant). Keep us posted about what to expect:)