Last weekend I took a little trip to Boweltown. It was my first trip alone; away from my boys. The Dude was packed off to Oma and Opa's and the German geared up for an evening of fun with his soccer buddies. Jen was the reason for my excursion.
For those of you who do not read her blog, HeisseScheisse, she is a dear American Ex-pat who is currently 9 weeks from the arrival of her very own little one. (Yes, a baby; not a cat.) We have chatted over the past few months and I noticed a bit of panic in her voice. The baby's room is not done. She is not sure what to do about the mid-wife. And who made all those stupid rules about no Epidural anyway!
I know that angst. It took over my brain a year ago, but thank GOD my little one is almost a year old. However, I jumped in the car and prepared to help my friend by joining that most prestigious of clubs, Mothers Who Know Better Than You (aka the Most Annoying Women on the Planet).
Over the course of the weekend I convinced her that not all baby furniture in Germany is hideous and the majority of the stuff they sell at the drug store is crap. I am not sure how much I helped, but it was amazing to me to reflect on how much I have learned over the past year.
The funny thing is, I was not the friend doing the helping. I was the friend getting the help.
You see, I have been in a bit of a funk ever since Christmas (hence my very irregular blogging). As the Dude turns 1, he is getting increasingly independent, and so am I. I feel ready to do more work and venture out into the world. I am letting go of some of the control issues with the baby, and trying to take on more. Unfortunately, I feel a giant identity crisis coming on.
As I drove down to Boweltown, I popped in my favorite Beatles CD. I played that CD at the beginning of every road trip I took in the US, which feels like several life times ago. One the one hand I felt like the old me, but on the other hand I realized that I can never be that person again. I am Mom.
The past few month have been like a holding pattern. There may be changes on the horizon, but I am not sure what or when. I am trying to figure out the next move but cannot get a good grasp of the game board. I have been using WAY too many metaphors . . .
I will fill you in on what I have been up to the past few months. Jen got me energized again. A friend, in deed. But until then I will curl up in a button down and drink a cup of tea.
PS I know what you are thinking. NO! I am not pregnant.